The Royal Family: Shitting on the Plebs for Centuries

Written September 2024

There is an exhibition currently running at Kensington Palace, titled ‘Untold Lives: A Palace at Work’. The blurb states that it “highlights the servants and courtiers who worked tirelessly behind the scenes to maintain, protect and promote the monarch and the palaces”, and that “a host of workers from all walks of life used their skills and expertise to look after the royal family and their homes”. The absolute arrogance of this exhibition is plain to see, although the obsequious royalists who insist on persisting with the hero-worship of this insidious family would beg to differ, I’m sure. No doubt those types will happily hand over their hard-earned cash for a ticket, to view objects and paintings that promote the sickening idea that the royals are better than the rest of us and deserve this army of “servants and courtiers” to “protect and promote” them.

Tickets for this fest of self-flagellation cost £24, or £26.40 should you wish to line the royal coffers even further and make a donation to the Historic Royal Palaces charity, because apparently the upkeep of these luxurious palaces that the royals are fortunate enough to call home is not to be taken from their own vast personal fortunes. There is something so perplexing to me that people, many struggling to pay bills and heat their homes, would consider forking out a considerable sum to take a tour around a palace, so that they can “ooh” and “aah” at the immense wealth and luxury in which the royals live. To visit the 775-roomed Buckingham Palace, for example, will set you back around £35, just for the privilege of viewing some gilded candlesticks worth thirty times more than your own two-bedroomed flat.

The “Untold Lives” exhibition is far from the fond remembrance of palace staff that its publicity promises. It is, rather, further exploitation of the very people it purports to be remembering with sensitivity, while conveniently generating more revenue to add to the royal fortunes. It is a right royal slap in the face to ordinary people, particularly those who work, and have worked, in royal servitude. Working for the Royal Family is by no means a route to riches. They are notoriously stingy with salaries. A 2022 report found that a large percentage of palace staff salaries barely met the accepted threshold of a living wage. A fact that makes this Kensington Palace exhibition all the more galling. It perpetuates the ridiculous idea that to work for royalty is some kind of privilege, that those in their service are grateful and honoured to hold such a position. Downton Abbey has helpfully provided a heavy dose of predictive programming these last few years. Remember the film? The entire piece is based on the excitement of the staff ‘below stairs’, as they prepare for a royal visit to Downton. The staff are portrayed as a fawning bunch of poor, common people, just itching for their chance to wait hand and foot on the royals. As if doing so makes their lives worthwhile. Frankly, there is no amount of money in this world that would incentivise me to work in their service, or to curtsey, bow or grovel to these psychopathic narcissists.  

Perhaps the revenue earned from “Untold Lives” will go towards a bonus for the measly-paid modern day servants and courtiers? Will it bollocks. All profits will simply line the pockets of Charlie & Co. further, so they can continue their lives in superiority and splendour, including maintaining their substantial portfolio of 30 properties. A portfolio that includes, incidentally, the 30-roomed Royal Lodge in Windsor Great Park, where Charlie’s brother, Andrew, lives, and where he no doubt mourned the death of his paedophile bestie, Jeff. Odd that so many paedophiles should have ingratiated themselves with the royals. Epstein, Savile, Harris. But I digress.

So, whilst getting away with paying staff the very bare minimum for all these years, the royal family have simultaneously hoarded the largest private art collection in the entire world, unambiguously named The Royal Collection. The Collection is widely regarded as priceless, but best estimates put its value at around £12billion. And, while officially the Collection is only “held in trust by him [Charlie] as Sovereign for his successors and the nation”, we can safely say that this is just wordplay. We, as members of that “nation”, can hardly pop down to the Palace and request a look at one of our pieces now, can we? In any case, the monarch does have his own “Private Collection”, estimated to be worth more than £290million.

We recently learned of the hefty salary increase that the King is in line for – you can read my article on this here – paid for by us, the tax payer. I doubt his servants and courtiers can expect such wonderful news when their salary reviews are due. Still, they’re being commemorated with an exhibition, what more can the plebs want, eh?    

As winter approaches, and most of us are concerned by the rising cost of energy, we can at least rest assured that the Windsors are unencumbered by such worries. While they keep the home fires burning – in all 30 of their homes – and we lay awake at night, worrying about how we might heat our own humble dwellings, I’m sure we will all take comfort knowing that Charles et al are tucking into the finest meals, prepared by their private chefs, and served by those very people of whom they are commemorating with an exhibition at Kensington Palace. By all means, if you feel inclined, pay your money and visit “Untold Lives”. But I reserve the right to regard you as an idiot, if you do.

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